and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
