How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize