hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
