we're chasing vodka with high fives
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
