you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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