i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
