Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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