Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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