I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize