No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
