So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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