I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
