Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
