every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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