I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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