Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I lost the right to judge tonight
not ubering you a puppy
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
