I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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