please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
