I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
