I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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