The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
