It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
