Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
