I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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