I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
