Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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