Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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