IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
