remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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