if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
