we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
