ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
