Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
