hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I will pee on everything he values.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
