garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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