look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
