You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
