Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
