becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize