hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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