evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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