You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
