someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize