but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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