My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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