Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
