She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize