I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
