I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I wish life had little blips of pornography
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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