She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize