He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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