That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
