Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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