So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
