ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
