I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
