Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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