I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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