The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
