Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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