question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I will be naked everywhere
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
