just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
