problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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