i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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